THE PROPHET AND MALKIEL THE SECOND CONVERSE BY TELEGRAM “Hennessey Vivian, 1000 Berkeley Square, W. “Please wire result of last night’s observations from eleven till three inclusive.--Sagittarius.” “Jupiter Sagittarius, Sagittarius Lodge, Crampton St. Peter, N. “Impossible wire result, will write at length after taking further observations to-night.--Vivian.” “Certainly write at length, but meanwhile wire all important results in condensed form.--Sagittarius.” “Results not sufficiently important to wire, letter without fail to-morrow.--Vivian.” “Never mind unimportance, wire whatever results obtained.--Sagittarius.” “On consideration think results too important to wire, will explain by letter.--Vivian.” “Your second and third wires in direct contradiction; kindly reconcile opposing statements.--Sagittarius.” “Cannot reconcile by wire, will do so by letter.--Vivian.” “Then meanwhile request forecast of grandmother so far as gathered last night.--Sagittarius.” “Quite impossible discuss grandmother by wire.--Vivian.” “Not at all; couch in careful terms, shall understand; no need put grandmother’s name.--Sagittarius.” “Quite impossible; grandmother too sacred for treatment by wire, long and full letter to-morrow.--Vivian.” “Absurd! Call her Harry and wire her future as obtained last night; shall understand.--Sagittarius.” “Cannot possibly consent call grandmother Harry; pray cease; succession of telegraph boys to house attracting general attention in square.--Vivian.” “Must insist; then call her Susan and wire.--Sagittarius.” “Cannot possibly consent to call her Susan; discussion of such matter by wire not decent; regret must absolutely decline.--Vivian.” “Madame and self insulted by accusation not decent; demand explanation and apology.--Sagittarius.” “Regret; no desire give pain to lady, but this must cease; grandmother and square seriously upset by procession of telegraph boys.--Vivian.” “Cannot help square and grandmother; must have last night’s result to compare with own observation of grandmother with crab and scorpion.--Sagittarius.” “Pray cease; would rather die than discuss grandmother with crab and scorpion by wire.--Vivian.” “Rubbish! Call crab Susan, scorpion Jane, grandmother Harry, and wire; absolutely insist.--Sagittarius.” “Absolutely decline discuss crab, scorpion and grandmother by wire; final.--Vivian. “Scandalous! not behaviour of gentleman; Madame cut to heart; infamous.--Sagittarius.” “Mater familiaris pallidibus ira.--Madame Sagittarius.” “If receive no reply as to grandmother and crab, et cetera, shall start at once for Square.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.” “On no account trouble come up; going out immediately; important engagement.--Vivian.” “Madame putting on boots.--Sagittarius.” “Utterly useless put on boots; leaving house.--Vivian.” “Madame boots on; tying bonnet.--Sagittarius.” “Totally useless tie bonnet; absolutely forced leave house.--Vivian.” “Madame in pelisse; shall come in wait till your return.--Sagittarius.” “Regret pelisse; quite useless; out till late evening.--Vivian.” “Shall stay till whatever hour; have on hat and bonnet now; starting.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.” “For Heaven’s sake don’t; will wire whatever you wish.--Vivian.” “Don’t. Ankles perhaps catching; dangerous Capricornus.--Vivian.” “Have you started?--Vivian.” “Have not started, but at threshold of door; wire full explanation of crab with grandmother, et cetera, last night or shall start instanter.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.” “Truth is very little result last night; did not see crab with grandmother; deeply regret.--Vivian.” “Then wire result of scorpion with grandmother.--Sagittarius.” “Very sorry did not see scorpion with grandmother.--Vivian.” “Impossible; believe stars out; clear sky; self and Madame distinctly observed crab and scorpion with grandmother for four hours.--Sagittarius.” “On honour did not see crab, scorpion or grandmother.--Vivian.” “Then has grandmother passed over?--Sagittarius.” “Certainly not, but no result; pray cease discussion, grandmother and square distracted by incessant uproar of boys at door.--Vivian.” “Leaving house; with you as soon as possible.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.” “Heaven’s sake don’t; tell truth; did not look through telescope at all last night.--Vivian.” “What meaning of this swore oath broken; no gentleman; coming at once for explanation.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.” “Stop; sending boy messenger with full explanation; severe accident last night, injured head, so unable look for crab, grandmother and scorpion.--Vivian.” “Astounded, upset, Madame says not conduct gentleman; might have seen crab, grandmother and scorpion with injured head; mere excuse--caput mortuus decrepitum cancer.--Sagittarius.” “Pray excuse; look to-night without fail; Heaven’s sake cease writing; grandmother and whole square amazement, confusion; shall go mad if continues.--Vivian.” “Very well, but insist on full letter; confidence in oath much shaken; wires most shifty; gross neglect of crab, grandmother and scorpion.--Sagittarius.” “Homo miserum sed magnum est veritatus et praevalebetur.--Madame Sagittarius.”